Hi,
So recently my very serious boyfriend of 4 months told me that he wants a break. His grandpa is dying and he is really upset and has a lot on his mind and needs time to relax and clear his head. I agreed, figuring it would be okay. An hour later, he started saying how he DEFINITELY wanted to get back in a week once he gets some space. Then, a few hours later he said he was unsure of whether he wanted to get back together or not. And by back together, I think he means forever. We were so close and serious, I just don't get why he's so confused about going out again. He's insisting that its just because he has a lot on his plate right now, and not because hes stopped liking me. I can't help but feel like a big reason is that he doesn't have the same feelings as he used to, even though he kept telling me that's not why. If he had the same feelings, why would he be so uncertain about getting back together? Whenever people ask him he always responds, "i don't know". Do you think that he doesn't feel the same way for me and is confused about if he wants to be with me because he likes me or if he's confused because so much is going on for him he just can't think about that? Even then, I don't get why we can't be together in a little while when things with his grandpa are settled, but he keeps saying he doesn't want to make promises he can't keep and he'll see how he feels. What do you think this means?
Love Adviser replied...
Wow, that's rough. You definitely have to be encouraging to him and the family. If you have been going out for 4 months, I don't see why he wouldn't like you. It seems like he does have a lot going on, especially if he was really close to his Grandpa. I wouldn't pester him with the "Do you still like me?" questions anymore. Still talk to him, ask how he's doing. Then, later on you can ask him to a movie or somewhere you two liked to go. Talk to him when he has calmed down from the situation, you're more likely to get a straight answer. Put yourself in his shoes, if you had a family member that was really close who was dying, would you really want to think about anything? I'd say give it a week or so and start talking about your future together after this has settled down.
She replied...
Except, I've been talking to him lately and the whole grandpa thing was an excuse. He stopped liking me and now hes planning on getting with other girls after only a few days since we permanently broke up. We've been getting into fights a lot and I blocked him and told him I didn't want to be friends ever because he kept lying to me about being with other girls. I don't know what to do now, I like him so much but he has hurt me so much and I don't get how he can move on in only a few days.
Love Adviser replied...
Wow. That truly is painful. Did he ever actually show you that he cared about you?. It doesn't seem like he truly liked you if he could move on that quickly. What did you like about him? Was it his looks or his actual personality?
She replied...
His actual personality. We dated for so long and got along together so well. We literally were so close and couldn't be apart. For a good amount of time he showed he really cared all the time, then towards the last month he stopped showing it as much, but still did. I agree though I feel like he doesn't actually care about me if he can move on so fast.
Love Adviser said...
That really is difficult. Maybe he was already with other girls in that last month? That's harsh but it seems like something made him lose interest. Has he dated a lot of other girls? If he lied to you that would make me angry, so I'm sure it makes you angry as well. Do you plan on ever talking to him and asking him how you two got here? Is there any way you could suggest getting back together?
She replied...
That's the thing, I've been trying to talk to him about it this past week. He definitely doesn't want to get back. He says that he's lost interest and needs time to be single and just hang out with his friends. I definitely think that there is another girl involved. The girl hes planning on getting with now asked him a few months ago while we were dating, so i'm suspecting thats why he broke up with me. Except if that's the reason, I don't get why he wouldnt have broken up with me months ago when she asked. I'm just so confused, one second we were perfect the next we were over. He said he wasn't even planning on breaking up with me, the fight just escalated and now he doesn't want to work things out.
Love Adviser said...
That's tough. Honestly, when couples have fights, the strongest eventually get back together. It's pretty true that naturally you have fights. No relationship is perfect. But if he doesn't even want to talk about it, I would move on. I know it hurts, but there is probably a better guy that is more caring out there for you. This guy is obviously not who you thought he was. Take some time to heal and then move on. Become great friends with a boy and if you like him, ask him to a movie or something. Don't get too serious until you know the real him.
She said...
Yeah thanks thats what im going to try doing. he keeps saying he wants to just be friends for a while and see how it goes from there but after all he's lied about and how much he's hurt me, im never going to be able to trust him again. Before this, we had only gotten into like two big fights or so and for other couples they wouldn't even be considered big. I guess I just wish I had answers or that the breakup mattered more to him, but I guess it didn't. So i'm just going to move on and ignore him.
Love Adviser said..
I definitely agree with you. If he's already hurt you, it doesn't mean he won't do it again. Plus, you don't want him to think he can just break up with someone without hurting them. I would ignore him so he can feel a little pain too, and think about what he did to you. Stay strong! :)
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